POST MISSCARRIAGE

Some people might be saying "its enough to grieve.You should move on!!"

"Ya Allah,bersyukurlah ayeen..atleast hang boleh pregnant..ada orang sampai 7-8tahub kahwin xpernah conceive walau sekali pun!"

Who are u to judge how long im gonna grieve over my misscarriage?

I am the one feeling the pain..Let me move on when i WANT to move on..

Everybody deal with the lost of everything they love differently..i am no exception to that..

I am not a holy!i am not a being without feeling...i am just a lady grieving over her first misscarriage in her life..

my hubby was home for few days last week and we had a great time going on a short vacay..

He was so sweet to me all the time..Like he knew that i need to be happy..Like he knew that deep inside something is not yet normal with myself..

He treated me like a broken glass..careful and delicate..

i am so grateful to have a such wonderful person as my hubby...

He comforted me when i cried reminiscing over that short sweet conversation we had before baby dot bid farewell..

I am now at 4 weeks post misscarriage..

I will be ok only when i conceive again..or when i got my first period post nisscarriage..

 So rite now i am checking my hcg level to see whether it has totally gone...

So it looks like another pregnancy still holding on..atau my hcg just naughty tak nak depletes.

Jadi i need to bersabar lagi..i dont think period will come anytime soon..

Ohhhhh sungguh pancaroba!

Sabar ajelahhh

Tetiba naik notification ni kat phone.OMG.sabarlah duhai hati...i almost recover from tje past but the past keep coming back to remind me "please dont forget ne"..


Anyway..on other hand..hubby is home!

For a week or few days only..tapi i tetap happy..sebab its better seeing him.macam ni than to suffer for few weeks .haha

jom..tengah siap siap nak.pergi Gold coast Morib!!

UPT masih positif selepas keguguran..

Hai yall..

Selalunya bila upt test positif..kita akan happy giler..

Tapi selepas keguguran..melihat upt y masih positif adalah sesuatu yang amat memeritkan..

1)Sebab ai nk TTC lagi
selagi hcg masih ada dalam body..selagi tu la ai xkan berovulasi
.kalau xde telur..cemane nak TTC??
2)Dejavu..teringat masa 3 minggu penamtian kenapa upt masih -ve sedangkan period dah miss kan..Siap berteori maybe hormon imbalance kottt.Alih alih upt +ve !

Jadi sekarang ai  am monitoring my hcg level.

Sepatutnya kalau misscarriage..hcg tu akan pudar..pudar.dan semakin pudar..


Line no 1. (Paling atas):Hasil upt semasa malam ai misscarriage

Line no 2& 3: Line selepas seminggu misscarriage.(Boleh nampak line semakin pudar)
Line no 4: Line diambil harini..Aikkkk kenapa stronger ????

Ai pergi buat ultrasound dan Doc sahkan Rahim O..Doc suruh tunggu period datang orr kalau period xdatang datang lagi 3 minggu..datanf buat ultrasound lagi sekali..

Hmmmm.

Ada x kawan kawan ada pengalaman macam ni?Berapa lama nak tunggu hcg hilang from body?

Resepi Sup Ikan Haruan Kering_Makanan Berpantang

Ai is boring makan ikan haruan kering goreng saja.

Jadi harini masak sendiri..



Bahan-bahan:

1.Bawang putih 3x
2.Bawang kecil 2x
3.Serai 1 batang
4.Ikan haruan kering
5.Lada hitam ditumbuk


Cara-cara memasak:

1.Rendam ikan haruan bagi lembut
2.Tumis bawang putih,bawang putih..Biar naik bau
3.Masukkan air
4.Masukkan ikan haruan kering
5.Masukkan serai.
6.Masukkan lada hitam dan garam secukup rasa.
7.Biar sampai masak la kan.

Bolehla buat makan sensorang..sob sob.


Berpantang bersendirian ni.

Hai la.

kbai.

In Memory of my Little Baby Dot

Hye Little Baby Dot..

Mommy is having a rest ..with abah by my side..He is still tired for having to travel from seato land for the sake of coming home and be with mommy..

Dont you sad..Both of us are not blaming you for decided to go before your time..

We guess you just want to go to a much much better place..

Of course we will be happy if you decided to stay...But God definitely have better plan for Mommy and Abah since He decided to take you away right?

We cant wait to receive it and we are grateful for any of HIS plan for all of us.
j

My Little Baby Dot,
Mommy are still cringing in pain of rembering you..Sometimes when nobody around..  ust a few moments when mommy  pray to God..Mommy sure will be thinking of how beautiful my life and abah would be if you are still with us..
We were always not together-your abah and me..He got sooo many job..lining up thi y ear ..Both of us are still adjusting our life to it..

Sometimes mommy feels like you are still up there with God..And when the time is right..God will send you down to be with mommy again.

Mommy promise that Mommy will take a good care of myself and when a new body is formed..mommy will make sure mommy prep it healthy enough so God can blew you back inside..

Let all of pray that the time is near ok?

Till we meet again..

Hugs and Kissess from,
Mommy and Abah

My loving caring life companion..

It touched me when u made a splendid suprise during my study year..

you was in Qatar for few months and i thought you never coming back home when you called and said "sayang cuba tengok kat luar tingkap sekarang?"

i was  in my room on the 3rd Floor of 4th College UM.

I Was beyond shocked and of course...touched by your gesture sayang..

You did it again when i was back from US or UK (which i couldnt remember) .You ve waited for me at the arrival hall with a bouqet of roses...something that i never have imagined you to give!!!.And of course..im touched baby...


On our engagement day..you say something that make me laughed..it touched my heart so much that my heart still aching when i reminiscence it now..and Bullah captured the moment!

"Nape berseri seri sangat hari ni?"

Then later down the road..On our solemnization day ..you..suited up so handsomely with your carrot coloured baju melayu and GREEN sock..u cited the akad that makes me foreverly yours...it touches me straight to my heart and my bone..it still does sayang..trust me..

And now..when i told you ..you shouldnt come back home..that i can manage the pain..that i do not want to burden you with the pain and  with our loses..you keep on suprising me...you continue to shower me with love..with affection and with your responsibility towards me..

Cant wait to see you here sayang...even if its for few days..your loving thoughts ..thats what matter to me..

i love you..

Cara memakai bengkung selepas keguguran

Harini first day berpantang di kampung..Balik rumah mak di Sg Limau sebab hasben ai offshore kan..

Niat di hati nak tidur rumah MIL FIL jugak tapi tula xdak transport.wuwuwuw

So MIL FIL dah datang ziarah bawak roti kering gula milo semua bagai..terharu sangat

..rasa disayangi ja.

sepanjang proses keguguran ni ai rasa bersyukur sebab Allah tunjukkan pilihan ai dalam berkawan..berkeluarga ni semuanya pilihan yang tepat dan baik..

Beruntung ai ..walaupun hasben yang baik dan loving tu xde disisi..tapi kawan2 dan famly dari both side xhabis habis bagi sokongan.

Anyway harini ai bertungku dengan Leesa Tungku Moden (mama Fie bagi).

Sebelah malam ni baru start berbekung.SIL kirimkan.melalui MIL n FIL.

Up to korang la nak berbekung atau tidak tapi ai bekung je walaupun MC dalam tempoh kurang dari 3 bln..

Lain orang lain cara berpantang.Sebab ai badan senang masuk angin la ai berbekung ni..

Mula2 dapat bekung dah konpius mcm mana nak pakaiiiii.

Nasib baik ada Mr Google!

Semoga berjaya la ai berbekung sampai 30hb.wuwuwuwuwuwwuwu

I kena pantang 40hari.hasben suruh.xnakkk wuwuwuwuw

Berpantang_Day 4

Berstokin.

Mandi air panas.
Breakfast:Whole bread + susu Hi Goat @milo
Makan nasi putih-sayur sawi-ikan haruan kering goreng.
minum petang:Roti Pat sagi cicah milo panas
Makan malam:nasi putih-sayur sawi-ikan haruan favret.

Berat harini:56kg



Sekejap je dah drop.


Walaupun husband jauh di mata dekat di hati...ai beruntung ada bestfrens yang saaaangat saaangat baik..

Xkan jumpa dah sahabat sejati macam ni..Kawan2 zaman Sek Menengah yang membesar bersama..menggemuk bersama..

Hidup kami dipisahkan ruang dan jarak..ada yang jauh..ada yang dekat..ada yang ada famly sendiri..ada yang masih bujang..

Dari doktor ke inspektor polis ke research officer ke IT ke Sales..kami tetap masih berhubung..

Waktu senang kami memang bersama sama..tapi ai xpernah sangka waltu susah kawan2 ni akan setia bagi sokongan.moral dan sokongan mental hatta jadi tukang masak untuk ai hari hari.

Besarnya jasa kawan kawan..

Yang paling dekat Mama Fie la yang jaga makan.minum ai.masa berpantang..Yang paling jauh Alia  pula tiba tiba hantar Zinc Complex untuk ai ..

Siti tetiba datang bawa Virgin Olive Oil.

Najah Kc Kb Er Wati Zue bagi sokongan moral sebab masing masing dalam lesibukan seharian..

Rasa diri ni tak keseorangan lagi..

So ini makanan tambahan ai dalam berpantang ni..


Tq

Berpantang_Day 1

2/9/2013

Harini ai ke Tropicana lagi...

Ada follow up checking dengan Dr Arifah untuk tengok samada ada lagi sisa sisa baby dot tertinggal kat dalam..

Sebenarnya harini pun rasa pelik..bangun tidur tadi rasa blank..terus pergi dapur minum milo lepas tu bukak peti ais tengok baby dot..


Hai la baby..harini mommy kena jugak panggil sesiapa untuk bawak baby dot dan pergi kebumikan kat kawasan perkuburan..
Mommy xde experience dalam hal hal.mcm ni tapi thanks to google..mommy dapat info:macam.mana nak kebumikan baby dot:

Mama Fie temankan ai pergi Tropicana.She is 6 months preggo and looking at her..i cant help to feel a bit like a loser..

She got a very handsome boboy Zidane who is 2 1/2 years old and is now expecting ..

She never plan for any of her pregnancy..

i on the other hand..Work hard for it..and  it does not go the way i want it to be..

Sometimes what we want is not being delivered the way we want it to be..I guess God is actually trying to say

Ayeen,im sorry i granted ur wish but took it back..It is not yet your time to be a mommy..Soon you will under
stand..I will give you something better to replace something that I have tool from u today..

i will God..Some day..Some day..



Alhamdulillah Dr Arifah said there is no.need for D&C  and that makes me feels relieved.

D&C cost  can be around 1k-3L depending on the hospital.

i was given antibiotic and Dr assured me that i can try to conceive again in 2weeks time or whenever i feel ready..

its actually really assuring when u noe there is nothing wrong with yourself..right after u misscarriage..

petang sket..Abg Jam dan Kak Dila datang untuk ambil baby pergi kebumi di kawasan perkuburan dekat Bukit Beruntung..

So bermula la hari pertama pantang..makan bubur..ikan haruan..dan sayur sawi saja.

Semua semua Mama fie dan Hani yang sediakan..

Hari Khamis ni ai balik kampung la.Xnak menyusahkan Mama Fie lagi dah..

Pernah x rasa macam normal..lepas tu tetiba rasa sedih?

berulang ulang kali?Thats how i feel today..

Hopefully perasaan ni akan beransur ansur tenang.Amin....

Miscarriage

Hi dearie,


I just got back from Tropicana Med Ctre..So the baby decided to go..

There is nothing else i can do about it.

Instead of blog hopping for what to eat and what not...what exercise to do..buku merah and all..

now i need to blog hopping about grieving...how to berpantang..how to sempurnakan my little baby and how to cope with loss..

Dear God,thank you for giving me what i really want..snd thank you for letting me feel like im the happiest person on earth for the past 2 days..

the journey is only 8months but the experience you gave me is  long more than i could imagined. i guess yoj must have prep me for something that i did not understand..yet..

i guess..i need time to understand the rainbow that will come after this rain..


Dear hubby,i m really sorry for putting u thru dis..i didnt reveal a lot of info to u cos i dun wantchu to feel the pain that i am feeling now..

Dear baby,mommy letchu go dear...tq for teaching me how to tkcre of myself better when i suspect that im preggie.the motherly instinct never goes wrong..i will do better next time..i love u..n i  am letting u go my sweet little dot..

When things do no turned out the way u want itto be...

I can handle this...



i can..


all is well..all is well..

i got heavy bleeding today.. Not sure the reason..All ive could ever think was if it will effect the possibilities if i am actuaaly pregnant..and wondering about  my tiny dot (if it is actually inside).

i did upt and its upsetting to see it goes back to being negative..

i hope for the best and i am a beliver that everything happened for a reason..

To my baby:"if u were there before and u are no longer there now..mommy just want to say tq for giving me 2 days that i would never forget in my entire life.U show me how everythingis possible.U gave me that confidence that ican be a mommy.that nothing is wrong with me..that it is always possible for me to be someone mother..Im sorry that our times together ended so fast.it could have been a wonderful journey for both of us and for abah....but God have better plan for u...for mommy..and for abah..dun worry about mommy..mommy will be allright..."